"[boys] are like buses; miss one, next 15 one comin.."

i NEEEVER thought i'd take any kind of social/personal que from Gucci Mane but i can relate heavily with the line "girls [boys] are like buses; miss one, next 15 one coming.."

UUGGHH!


i may be wrong, i really wish i am, but i have to be prepared that this person may not want to be with me anymore. and it hurts. badly. i have given sooo much of myself to this person. i couldn't see anyone stepping into my life from behind him but idk, he's making it look as though that may take shape.


from JUMP i said i never want to feel more then the other person in the 'ship with me. but i have learned that it is possible. and that i may have fell in love for real this time and he may not be. he could love me. he could be in love with me. he may not love me and he could very well not be in love with me. but i need to rejoice in the fact that i fell in love regardless and i gave all i have.


when someone says they need space from you and you gave them space PREVIOUSLY and they get pissy at you for being "proactive" and you end up apologizing..like, why?!


grrrr!


or when you offer to take that person out on you and they say "lets just go somewhere quick." and you say why??

and then 3 hours later they ask if you want to go dine in at a restuarant with them and his friends.

in the past 2 mos, honestly, i have not had HIM to myself. HE's always occupied with work...or being "political" with co-workers he doesn't even like...but he can't hold hands and go to a park with me. or go to the pier like we once did. or watch a movie i wanna watch or let alone be open minded about the film.


but when he watches his movies, i'm fine even though they are dumb. or if he wants to go get drunk and then DRIVE to out...idk


this is stupid.


all i can say, no phone call and that's it.


oh, and i want my PULP FICTION back.

i'm not losing another movie to ANOTHER butt head.

DIVA-ISH ACTS OF ART *

Amanda Diva is not only a recording artist but an all around artiste..


check out this link:

http://www.divaworksofart.com/



plus--

she was on My Brother & Me on Nick...(remember?? lol)

thoughts.

Mike is home (yeeeeahhh!)

And I am scared.

Of what you may ask? I dunno. Of relationships?

Last night I fucked up and told mike that I didn't remember his bday bcuz it is in sept. And I am/was still jaded by what happened in my last relationship, which ended last sept. He mocked me causing me to realize how dumb of a comment that was.

At any rate, I love mike. And he loves me. But I get scared. I am now worrying about whether we are meant to be. In my head everything is perfect. We have our issues but we compliment each other and I know we are a pair.

I guess what I am truly trying to say is that I need to let go of my past transgressions and truly kove this man. Mike is not holding himself back from me; he is giving his best. I need to let go of the handle bars so-to-speak and raise my hands to the clouds and close my eyes.

I need to stop feeling insecure. No sense in blaming any past relationship for it...I just need to get over the shit.

I love mike and I see this relationship getting stronger as long as me and mike BOTH want to be in it. And I don't see it any other way...

this is how i felt before mike and still now.
i don't NEED a man, but having one (having mike :) is a glorious gift....

i spent 4 hours watching DefPoetry Jam episodes

land vs. water

I miss Mike.

A saint's day.

him.




Here comes the cold
Break out the winter clothes
And find a love to call your own
You - enter you
Your cheeks a shade of pink
And the rest of you in powder blue

Who knows what will be
But I'll make you this guarantee

No way November will see our goodbye
When it comes to December it's obvious why
No one wants to be alone at Christmas time

In the dark, on the phone
You tell me the names of your brothers
And your favorite colors
I'm learning you
And when it snows again
We'll take a walk outside
And search the sky
Like children do
I'll say to you

No way November will see our goodbye
When it comes to December it's obvious why
No one wants to be alone at Christmas time
And come January we're frozen inside
Making new resolutions a hundred times
February, won't you be my valentine?

And we'll both be safe 'til St. Patrick's Day

We should take a ride tonight around the town
and look around at all the beautiful houses
something in the way that blue lights on a black night
can make you feel more
everybody, it seems to me, just wants to be
just like you and me

No one wants to be alone at Christmas time
Come January we're frozen inside
Making new resolutions a hundred times
February, won't you be my valentine?

And if our always is all that we gave
And we someday take that away
I'll be alright if it was just 'til St. Patrick's Day

untitled.

weird feelings. i am currently @ the Hill uploading photos on f'book. i just left the mall. with a new job. i will be starting charlotte rusee on monday. this was exactly what i wanted; a job in retail. i have never done it and i wanted to try it. all my friends that have done retail hate it to death. that is fine. i really wanted a job that was the complete opposite of ERAC and c.russe is that. plus, i want to spend that xtra change on clothes and leisure activites. so with a discount i figure working retail would be the best for me. i am excited.

i am also excited about the estelle and solange concert on 3-11. and also dari's bday. her 4th anniversary of her 21st bday.

i am also excited about mike. he works wonders and he is sweet and great. but most importantly (2 me) he is a real muthafukka and i dig that. he is simple but not simple in the mind. he challenges me and he breaks things down so elementary that i understand it. and he never intends to control me bcuz he knows that drives me bonkers. i really like the fact that he keeps me sane and he knows he is to leave me to be me (make sense?) he doesn't force me into a label that is not assigned to me. like old man travis did..and all this of this scares me. i used to spend too much time wondering (before travis) whether i was 2 good for any man i came into contact with. and then post travis, i questioned whether or not any man was TOO GOOD for ME.
and now, i am positioned on the middle of the see-saw, trying to envision what will happen in this realationship. when am i gonna be at the bottom of the see-saw, comprimising myself for the sake of mike and vice-versa. i just dont want to be faint minded to think that this relationship is mos def going to end with 2.5 kids, two story home with a picket fence and all that laa-laa. i am trying to be real that if this shit don't work out, what am i going to learn.

but i am actually pushing to make it work. and mike makes me feel that my effort given is much recognized and i love it.